‘If some
advertiser or political consultant could figure out just what it is in human
psychology that makes us willing to believe that dogs are loyal, trustworthy,
selfless, loving, courageous, noble, and obedient, he could retire to his own
island in the Caribbean in about a week with what he would make peddling that
secret. Dogs belong to that select group of con artists at the very top of the
profession, the ones who pick our pockets clean and leave us smiling about it.
Dogs take from the rich, they take from the poor, and they keep it all. They
lie on top of the air-conditioning vent in the summer; they curl up by the
fireplace in the winter; they commit outrages against our property too varied
and unspeakable to name. They decide when we may go to bed at night and when we
must rise in the morning, where we may go on vacation and for how long, whom we
may invite over to dinner, and how we should decorate our living rooms. They
steal the very bread from our plates (I'm thinking here of a collie I used to
have whose specialty actually was toast). If we had roommates who behaved like
this, we'd be calling a lawyer, or the police.’
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