Thursday, 5 February 2009

Silly pomes

I’m a bit busy at the moment so here’s something I made earlier. In the odd bored moment I write what Rod Hull used to call pomes for children, which I cruelly inflict on unfortunate sprogs of my acquaintance. I have a bit of a line in limericks about animals and teachers, like the ones below. Not really to do with the everyday, I admit, but then a limerick is a sort of mundane poem - the Routemaster bus to the villanelle's Lear jet.

There once was a hippo called Dave
Who started each day with a shave.
He then spent an hour
With the soap in the shower,
To his vanity, Dave was a slave.

There once was a cat called Naseem
Who suffered from low self-esteem;
Till a good-natured newt
Told him he was quite cute,
Then he looked like the cat with the cream.

A bashful gazelle called Louise
Was desperately eager to please
A gorgeous gnu
Who turned her to glue,
And made her go weak at the knees.

An efficient young squirrel called Miles
Would arrange all his nuts in neat piles,
Then label them clearly
And count them all yearly,
And note this all down in his files.

There was a gorilla called Bruce
Whose trousers were always quite loose.
When he swung from the trees
They fell down to his knees,
So as pants go, they weren't that much use.

A trendy young teacher named Gill
Would say to his class, ‘Call me Phil.’
But they seemed to prefer
To address him as ‘Sir,’
So his trendiness rating was nil.

Our maths teacher thinks that he’s Elvis,
And will cheerfully wiggle his pelvis.
With his smouldering stare,
And his black, slicked-back hair,
He looks just like Elvis himselvis.

A Professor of Very Hard Sums
Was sadly deficient in chums;
Being upfront and brash
Brought him out in a rash,
So he sat at home twiddling his thumbs.

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